Book Review:  Out on Fraternity Row

(Edited by Shane L. Windmeyer and Pamela W. Freeman)

What is it like to be gay and Greek?   Are fraternities safe places for gay brothers?  What kind of environment do fraternity houses provide homosexual members? The first-hand accounts of 30 gay men in the book OUT ON FRATERNITY ROW (Alyson Books), provide answers to those questions.

Written with candor and honesty, each tale in this anthology gives a glimpse of the Greeks' most invisible minority. The individuals telling their stories are diverse in background,age, fraternity and geographic location.   Each goes through phases of coming out, some quickly, some not at all.   However, even with these differences, certain themes are common.

Gay men become Greek for the same reasons as heterosexual men--for the brotherhood and companions fraternities provide.  But once in the fraternity, many writers tell how they felt isolated and alone, unable totell their secret.  The prevailing homophobic atmosphere--conveyed through gay jokes--kept many men locked in closets. Some writers hoped fraternities would teach them not to be gay."I wanted to have some of that 'straight energy' rub off on me.  I thoughtI could learn to be straight and have straight relationships...A fraternity seemed like the place to learn those necessary skills," one man writes. Many of the stories told of men's excessive use of alcohol todrown gay feelings.  Fraternity men, both gay and straight, would objectify women as "cover" to prove they weren't gay.   There was a direct link between use of alcohol, objectification of women and the need to prove machoism by having as much sex with women as possible. Uniformly, there was fear that if the gay writer came out (or if awriter was already out) his chapter would be labeled the "gay house."  The impact to Rush numbers was an ever-present concern. A large portion of the men who came out after college tell ofdistancing themselves from brothers after graduation.  Many feltdisconnected from the former brothers, or other brothers distancedthemselves from the out member. "I rarely visited the fraternity house...I no longer felt that Iwas welcome as a brother.   Averted glances and uncomfortable conversationsbecame the norm in my subsequent interactions with my fraternity brothers," an alumni writes.

But not everyone had a negative experience being gay and Greek.Indeed, several stories show that when a brother is up-front about hishomosexuality the brotherhood remains strong.  In chapters with solid camaraderie and mutual respect, coming out was not a negative experience. One wrote, "My brothers' unconditional acceptance and supporthelped me move from being afraid of my brothers to being at peace withtheir companionship." If a chapter discovered a member was gay before the member cameout, acceptance was less readily given.  The lack of honesty by the gay brother was resented.

As I read this book I kept thinking, these are my students talkingto me.  They are telling me what they feel.  And as I read, I kept asking,how can I make it better for them? Thankfully, OUT ON FRATERNITY ROW offers interventions and educational tools to combat homophobia.  Some of the strategies included make use of the personal stories in the book, advising chapters on what todo if a gay member comes out and utilizing peer education. Anyone who works with fraternities needs to read this book.  OUR students are talking to US, telling us what they are going through.  Many are isolated, afraid of their own brothers and do dangerous things to fitin.  If we leave homophobia unchallenged, what kind of environment are we providing not just for gay students, but for all?